Not my best day…

Usually, I am so busy that I don’t have time to think about my emotional peaks and valleys, but there’s just no getting away from the fact – this is not my best day.

I’m homesick. I want to see my brothers and sisters and the people I’ve known for most of my life.. I want to walk through Vancouver’s fall weather, stepping over fallen leaves and chestnut husks. I want to feel the bracing coolness and enjoy the sunlight without any accompanying heat and humidity.

I’d like to go down to 4th Avenue, to one of my former haunts and eat and drink with old friends. I’d so enjoy a shopping foray with my girlfriend who is the world’s greatest bargain hunter. The Bay and the small shops on Robson Street must have fabulous discounts on those racks of the last summer stragglers.

It would be fun to drive to North Vancouver, and swing past my old house on West 28th Street. I wonder if the tree where my brothers built their precarious forts is still there? And I’d love a glimpse of the front yard where I made up games with my younger sisters and our neighbors.

I am remembering my parents, and with the precious gift of hindsight, I now fully appreciate the childhood they gave me.

I love my life in Merida, but even after 35 years, I do have days like this…

Tomorrow will be better.



Filed under Family and Friends

16 responses to “Not my best day…

  1. Another thing that helps me in those moments are on-target songs. Today, in trying to find one, I played “Whistle a Happy Tune” from THE KING AND I.

    Although a bit off target (it’s talking about addressing fear), I believe the message is true, regardless of one’s particular reason for not being “up.”

    The lyrics are here:

    I’ve found the following stanza so helpful to me, in so many parts of my life:

    “The result of this deception
    Is very strange to tell
    For when I fool the people
    I fear I fool myself as well!”

    • Very good Alinde. The KIng and I was the first live theater performance that I ever attended. I was 5 and my grandmother took me to “Theater Under the Stars” in Staney Park… without knowing you’d do so, you brought back another great memory

  2. 2ericc

    Perhaps a few famous quotes would help? —

    “There’s no place like home!” – Dorothy, in The Wizard of Oz

    “Put the shoes off your feet. The place you’re standing on is holy ground.” – Moses

    “If you lived here, you’d be home now.” Sign in front of condos in downtown Boston.


    • Thanks Eric for the quotes. It has been many years since I figured out something about myself: Homesickness is much easier to face, than the boredom I’d experience if I did not live in a place that made me continually ask questions and grow. You have to take the good with the not-so-good!

  3. If there’s anything I can fit in my luggage that would remind you of your West Coast “home”, let me know and I will bring it when I come.

  4. Joanne

    Joanna, thanks for writing this. So often we all want to be bright eyed and eager and happy and deny our true feelings. And that is not healthy. I too love the fall in Canada, crisp morning air that smells so clean and new crop MacIntosh apples and Thanksgiving with family. It’s funny because I much prefer hot weather, but fall in Canada is so great.

  5. Valerie

    They say when feeling down move around when felling grea mediate.Or a thought………. get out your paint brushes and paint this will help you get out of the here and now.And who knows what inspiration will come about being in anoher dimension……….
    love Valerie

  6. Reg

    Thanks Joanna for putting into words what so many of us feel as the seasons change in Canada. I long to see the crimson maple leaves, early morning frost on the windshields,starting to experience some crispness in the air, fall markets, apple cider, watching children playing in the piles of leaves…

    Somehow we never stop to think that just around the corner is Winter. As Thanksgiving Day approaches, all of those memories/images of family gathered around a sumptuous dining room table laden with fall foods and colours come forth.

    You have to have truly enjoyed those moments, else why would you yearn for them from time to time? Melancholy is a good thing. Be happy you have had a great life with such great memories to share with those of us who care about you here and now!

    • That’s so true Reg… when we love people and customs of more than one culture, something is often missing. When my son was a little guy, he put it like this: “I feel like my heart is in two places.”

  7. I’m sure we all understand, Joanna!

    Recently a new English-speaking neighbor asked me how long I’d lived here. “Eleven years”, I answered. She: “You must (therefore) LOVE it here!” Experiencing a bad day myself, I answered, “At my age, I wouldn’t love ANY place I was living!”

    Missing things, or people or whatever; or just being grumpy about aging–these things all take their turns on our stages.

    And yes, they do all go away.

    Buen suerte!

  8. Lee

    I have wondered, will I have days like this? Today, I went to a neighborhood party along the Long Island Sound in Connecticut. We stood poolside with cocktails, under huge oak trees, and an outdoor fireplace with firewood to take the damp chill out of the air. I found myself wondering, will I miss autumns in lower New England? Will i miss quick access to a Broadway show or Central Park? Will a hacienda with palms be an ample substitute? I’m so eager to leave all this natural beauty. I suppose there will be times…

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